How's My Driving | April 2013

[ironwood]

Spring has been sprung! All over the Western hemisphere, flowers are blooming, bunnies are bounding, and the little clickity-clack of rper fingers at keyboards is in the air! To kick off the season in style, it's time for our third HMD here at Tu Shanshu.

How's My Driving?
While each and every character must have an HMD page available, we offer a gamewide HMD once every calendar quarter. This is an opportunity to get together and discuss IC interpretations and portrayals in a respectful, beneficial fashion. In a nutshell, it's a chance to see how we're doing in the grand scheme of things.

There are a few ground rules to cover off before we can start:

• Participation in the quarterly HMD is 100% optional.
  
• Be respectful, anon or not. It's a lot easier to give and receive crit if all parties are making it a discussion of it rather than an argument.
  
• IP logging is off and anonymous commenting is on. You can offer crit signed-in if you like, but the option's there.
  

That's it, that's all!

And, to make things easier, here's a handy-dandy codeset:

<big><b><i>Player Name</i></b></big> <i>Character Name:</i> <i>Canon:</i> <i>User Name:</i> <I>Focus:</i> Optional. Do you have particular concerns about your portrayal that you'd like to be the focus of crit? You can link any threads you'd like a second opinion on here. If you're looking for structural feedback, or would prefer things like grammar not be mentioned, put it here.

Comments

[fatedchaos]

Hey there!

I've noticed that while I think you have Fenris's voice down pretty well, there are a few things that you could keep in mind. This is just from first impressions after reading through his entry.

I've noticed you used far more contractions with Fenris than necessary. Not that he never uses them in his speech, but Fenris is a very careful speaker. He likes to speak clearly and emphasize his words somewhat, so he's more likely to say "I am" than "I'm", "they are" than "they're", etc.

Another thing I noticed was this tendency to have him hesitate or trip over his words, most notable in his thread with Molly. He does get flustered, especially if Hawke is piling compliments onto him, but he is usually a pretty collected and eloquent speaker unless there are slavers around, because fuck those guys. Like I said earlier, he chooses his words carefully, so I don't think he'd be that hesitant or flustered so easily.

[gaudy]

Thank you for coming to me!

Fenris uses contractions quite frequently in game. They're peppered throughout his dialogue, especially the casual inter-companion stuff. (He tends to say "I'm" and "I am" about 50/50, as far as I can tell.) Is there anywhere specifically that you feel like I've contracted things too much or too frequently?

I'll definitely keep the hesitation in mind and work to avoid doing it in the future, though!

[soulwound]

Ooh, I probably should have taken a look at his dialogue page. I was just going off of his cut scenes, so please disregard that then. It seems as though it's more or less accurate enough as 50/50 in your threads.

I'm glad I could help!