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tushanshu_ooc2017-03-28 03:37 pm
ironwood) wrote in tushanshu_ooc2017-03-28 03:37 pm
Entry tags:
Things Unspoken Meme
 things unspoken meme ► 2. Other characters respond and comment ICly with something they'd like to say to them (or a question for them) but haven't. Or, things they have, but would like to say again. ► 3. It can be something incredibly minor or something incredibly serious or something incredibly goofy! e.g. "I was the one who strangled your father with a sausage link" / "I actually hate whiskey and you keep on giving it to me because I said I liked it that one time to impress you" / "There's always a booger hanging from your nose and it makes talking with you REALLY DIFFICULT" ► 4. React ICly. SHENANIGANS. ► 5. have fun!! meme from |
CW: suicide
[Her expression turns stony.]
You using your past mistakes as an excuse to get someone to end your life because you can't do it yourself? We have a name for that back home. It's called suicide by cop. And you are not allowed to do that. You have a son. You don't get to be that selfish, Kratos. I don't care what you've done - you need to fight for him if you won't fight for yourself. You know what you really have to lose? Lloyd is what you have to lose if you walk away and pretend you're doing the noble thing by hating yourself. That's the easy way out, and you don't get to take it because you brought another person into the world and you have to own that. And if you don't, then you're not the man I thought you were.
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The seal is what's keeping the worlds apart and in constant war with each other.
[So. Flatly.]
It can only open if I die, and I've tried to make it happen myself. The worlds need me to die for them to survive, and I can only die if someone kills me. At this point, 'selfish' has nothing to do with it. Lloyd deserves a united world.
[Conveniently not mentioned: the fact that his best friend of four thousand years, for some inexplicable reason, manages to save his life in spite of the seal's requirements. Or so he hears. Also not mentioned: he can very well open the seal without demanding anyone to fight him. It'll just still result in his death.
So basically, 'selfish' has literally everything to do with it.]no subject
[She glares at him. This isn't petulance. This is anger, and it's cold and controlled and to anyone who knows Pepper well, it's also scary.]
You're not being stoic. You're being selfish. Find. Another. Way.
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[Stubbornly. Kratos does not know Pepper well -- yet.]
This is the best way.
[Note that he doesn't say only way. He doesn't realise that fact just yet.]
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The best way doesn't make it the only way. Find. Another. At least think about it with a few extra of those angel brain cells. You're smart but you're also seriously dumb if you think you can unilaterally make decisions for the one person in your life that you should be willing to risk even the fate of two worlds for. He should get a say, even and especially if you say he doesn't because you owe him more than that.
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[Oops. Take a breath, and then another. This is striking all the sorest nerves. How does she do that? And in a way different from Lloyd, just by not being him?]
How do you think we got to this point? I risked the fate of the worlds to trust and stand by Mithos. Shall I do it again, when the alternative cost is only my life?
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If you're doing the selective deafness for concepts now, I'm going to smack you. You're here. You can't do anything about the worlds being separate or together right here and right now. You know what you can do?
Think. Talk to Raine, talk to Zelos, consider literally every option available to you and exhaust every single stupid idea and impossible plan and then - and only then - do you get to decide something is the best way. Not before that. Not when you have all the time in this world while time is frozen in yours.
Then you go home and do it again.
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[Flatly.]
Because determining a solution I will never be able to create is the less painful course.
[Completely ignoring that back-home Yuan already has a solution, here.]
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[A definable hit, there, as Kratos deflates and looks away.]
The hope that the worlds will be reunited. The hope that I might finally see my duty done.
[He glances back, eyes narrowed.]
But that doesn't make hope my ally.
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[There's still anger in her, but it's softened some now that he's let a few things past his guard.]
If you're going to 'do your duty', at least do it for the right reasons and not because you think you deserve some kind of divine punishment. If there was another way, a better way, would you even take it?
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I don't know. But it wouldn't be because of divine punishment. I had -- thought -- that opening the seal and giving Lloyd the means to reunite the worlds might finally earn me the right to die.
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Everyone has the right to die. Everyone. [Her voice is quiet.] Being under a seal, whatever the consequences are, doesn't change that.
You're using the past tense. What are you thinking now?
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[This is equally quiet, and then he looks away.]
Raine tells me that I don't. A -- friend -- risks his life to save mine.
[Even though he didn't ask for it, YUAN.]
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Accepting that you have a right to die and wanting you to keep living for a little while longer are two very different and separate things.
Of course people that care about you want you to stay alive, you dolt. If no one cared, no one would try to stop you from dying when the seal opens, and you should maybe take a minute to respect the choices other people have made rather than dismissing them. You can't dictate how people feel about you. You can complain about it, sure, but you can't dictate it.
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What's the difference?
[This is weary, but also not dismissive. He honestly does not know the answer to this question.]
If I live, it's only because I have duties to perform. To the seal, to Lloyd, to the world. Where's a right to die in that?
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Well, it's like... [Oh, she knows what to draw on, but it's going to hurt.] My mom got sick when I was little. I was six, but I was old enough to know that she was going to die. She fought really hard, and she went through all sorts of awful treatments to stay alive as long as she could, but we all knew, eventually, that she was going to die. [Deep breaths, try not to cry.] She could let go, knowing she'd done everything in her own power to make sure I had a mom for as long as possible. [Her voice is shaking and she's looking at the ceiling, unshed tears in her eyes.] So we knew it was over but-- but we just wanted her to stay, Kratos. We didn't want to lose her, and we would have done-- anything for another day, much less the lifetime she was supposed to have.
[Pepper takes a little while to collect herself again, closing her eyes briefly.]
If you live, then you can just live, Kratos. Fine, Lloyd has a father who raised him, but you can still take some joy in getting to know him, in being a part of his life from here on out. Just-- just live. No pivotal world-saving duties, no seal. Just living, like you haven't been able to. Give yourself a few years just to be.
[Aaaand she's crying again, dammit. It's barely there, at least, and she's not sobbing at him, thank goodness.]
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[Lloyd has barely known him for six months, aside from when he was very young. Could it be possible that Lloyd would want him to stay that much, just as Pepper wished for her mother? Could it be possible that Lloyd might feel for him the things Pepper felt for her father, in the memory they'd accidentally shared? It's the kind of hope he hasn't dared entertain.
[Kratos lost the capacity to weep a long time ago -- but that doesn't mean he's incapable of being moved, no matter how he presents. Wordlessly he takes the step between them to pull her gently into an embrace. She's hugged him often enough that he doesn't think she'd mind.]
I'll try.
[He still doesn't completely understand the difference -- and the situation at home is far too complicated for him to rely on having complete freedom to just live. But here, he'll try.]
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Thank you. That's all I can ask.
[All she can reasonably ask, anyway, and it's a huge step in this context.
Kratos is going to have to be the one to let go first, because Pepper won't until he does.]
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She kind of figures out what he's doing after a moment, and it's a tough choice between leaning into the solace of what can only be described as a parental embrace, or trying to force herself back to being calm.
Somewhere in the middle is what actually happens, a single quiet sob and her shoulders come down from up around her ears, as though that little release was enough to relax her. Pepper had talked more about her mother in Keeliai than she ever had at home.]
I think this calls for hot chocolate, [she says eventually, drawing back only far enough so she can look him in the eyes and offer him a small if watery smile.] Living's worth celebrating.
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[Kratos isn't so sure on the 'living' part, yet. He doesn't try to hold her close, but doesn't step back entirely either, if she doesn't feel the desire to actually break the hug; instead his only hand drops from her head to her shoulder to squeeze it reassuringly.]
Alright. Lead the way.